Thursday, November 20, 2008

I wish I was Pam.


Mmmmmm, I haven't written on here in a long time! Let me tell you about things!
Yesterday. I went to the library to do some homework at like 9:30 in the evening time hours. Annnnnddd, I spent all of my time on the 5th floor--contemporary art and literature!--sitting by the window with an Oreo Mint Blast, taking career placement tests online. The results--nothing. It told me I like being ridiculous and have no sense of responsibility and I love flowers and colors and pretty words. Really? Okay. Thanks. So, then I decided to watch The Office on my compy. It was the episode where Pam screams out, "That's what she said! That's what she said!" to Jim on bluetooth while she's in New York. Such hilarity. I wish I was Pam. Anyway, about half-way through the episode, my phone vibrated in my purse! A text message! I leaped! It was from Marie-butt (one of my suitemates, for those of you who don't follow every aspect of my life). She said: "I'm eating human collagen. Am nam nam." She's probably my favorite cannibal ever.

We have this on-going joke about pudding. How it turns humans into human-eaters. This is how it goes. Gelatin is made up of collagen. Humans have collagen--what if, for some odd reason, there's an animal collagen shortage at some point in the future? This, of course, only means that there is a pudding shortage. And, me, being the cynic that I am, thought of this brilliant plot. Our government. As splendid and proper as it may be...is someday going to muster up this plan. Upon the shortage of pudding, the government is going to send the military into homes of innocent families, looking for human "sacrifices". WE MUST HAVE OUR SNACK PACKS. I'm so deranged. Anyway, I took out some books! I got "Orlando" by Virginia Woolf, and a few books about surrealism. Yayayayay. And I saw my old coworker from Starbucks (he quit)...he checked out my books for me. SILLY LIBRARIANS. It was awkward, for some reason. Probably because I'm not used to much human contact.

I started out today reading Plato and answered lame questions, when I realized that I hate EVERYTHING. I'm sick of school, and I, frankly, don't give a shit anymore. OK--I don't hate everything. I just want time to be ridiculous. I wanna roll around on the floor in Marie's room and interpret art with her. OKAY, the other day, Marie interpreted art from my Ecstasy book, and it was soooo funny. She thinks very logically, and so, hilarity ensued. There was a picture of a model in the rain forest, holding hands with a robot, and they were sitting next to a body of water and some sort of floor lamp. And she was like, " How can the lamp work in the rain forest? I think this one means our houses shouldn't have roofs." She told me she wants me to continue to get "fun art books" from the library so that she can interpret it for me. She's so cute. And I heart her.

The rest of today was fine, though. It snowed lots and lots! I went with Lindsey to the doctor because she's having back problems, which, in turn, make her heart condition worse! Agh! We had a fun time together, though! And the doctor fixed her right up! We went to Starbucks after we drove around for like 3 hours and talked about how jaded and bitchy we are (i.e., we're jaded bitches). Annnnd, obviously, the most awkward person alive was working. One of my coworkers told my other coworkers that he wanted to sleep with me! Is that REALLY something you wanna be spreading around? I didn't think so. Before we went in, Lindsey said to me, "Do you want me to just go up to him and be like, 'I just really want to have sex with you' " And I said, "Yes. Please." But, obviously, she didn't. He was uber awkward to me, too. Ugh. Things. Why am I such a freak?

I want to learn how to paint. I draw things always. And colors make me happy. I also want to crochet my sister a hat. Or a sweater. Or a sweater with a matching hat. All I really know is...I do not want to go to my classes tomorrow. I want to watch national geographic in my jammies and draw you a picture of a sunset and chickens. KTHANX.

I leave you with Paul Eluard:

"I have not always had this certainty, this pessimism which reassures the best among us. There was a time when my friends laughed at me. I was not the master of my words. A certain indifference, I have not always known well what I wanted to say, but most often it was because I had nothing to say. The necessity of speaking and the desire not to be heard. My life hanging only by a thread.

There was a time when I seemed to understand nothing. My chains floated on the water.

All my desires are born of my dreams. And I have proven my love with words. To what fantastic creatures have I entrusted myself, in what dolorous and ravishing world has my imagination enclosed me? I am sure of having been loved in the most mysterious of domains, my own. The language of my love does not belong to human language, my human body does not touch the flesh of my love. My amorous imagination has always been constant and high enough so that nothing could attempt to convince me of error."

Stay tuned: Next posting will ACTUALLY be about mangoes. Colors, shapes, tastes, origins, all varieties of mangoes.

2 comments:

Emily said...

that part of the office was my favorite ever, possibly. i also want to be pam. jim! i love him. did you see last night's episode? i just watched it. i want to hug everyone.

good luck sorting out your life, and probably you should go to your classes and then later watch national geographic in your jammies?

are you going to be home for thanksgiving?

WE SHOULD GO SHOPPING ON FRIDAY LIKE THE CRAZIES.

liz shmackenzie said...

I like that you put a picture of a dumb looking doggy sitting on a kitty's head and then wrote things that had nothing to do with that picture.

I'M GOING TO SEE YOU SO SOON!