October is my Favorite Month!

I found out today that Bethany got a head-start on Christmas tradition this Halloween weekend. She went to a bar with her boyfriend and ordered some kind of peppermint schnapps beverage. Basically, junior mints with alcohol. A bit early in the season, but, upon hearing this, I was/am envious. We settled the issue, deciding to go back to the bar over Christmas break, bringing our own boxes of junior mints and toothpicks--makeshift martini garnishes galore. Our scheme ended with us dressing up as elves and bringing a team of Decepticons. We’ll get free drinks this way, you see.

Besides envying Bethany's alcoholic excursion, I'm having a good Halloween weekend. I planned on dressing up as a vegan storm trooper (a storm trooper costume with a t-shirt that says "I'm a vegan") on Friday night, which didn't happen. I also planned on having a lovely evening with my friends Thursday night, which did happen, but somehow, I ended up fashioning an improvised Carebear costume. I wore a hot pink tutu, a head band with colorful + fuzzy bear ears, and a red lip liner heart sketched on my nose. Why did I dress like this, you ask? The options were: dress up as Dr. Seuss's Thing 1 or a hot pink Carebear. No further options existed.

As Bridget drew the heart on my nose, I recalled what it was like to live with her.

Bridget: Stand still; I'm going to draw a heart on your nose. Stop laughing. Nothing about this is funny.
(Before I could protest the drawing, she was basically finished.)
Me: It's impossible to feel in control over what happens to my body. And you know, what’s weird is that there is no force involved, but there’s always a subtle sense that something terrible may happen if I don’t comply. Kind of like subtle government policies.

Last night was fun too; beers and Silence of the Lambs. Joe + I also went on a small hike at Sycamore Trails (which has beautiful trails, copious color-changing trees, open fields, a duck pond, a tire swing!—right around the corner from a Wendy’s, ha.), and we decided it would be wonderful to be ducks.

In unrelated news, and I’ve been saying this for a bit, but I really, truly want to be a part of UD’s improv team. Think what you want about the quirky folk who are involved with improv; I just think it would be good for me. I haven’t been involved in ANYTHING the entire time I’ve attended college and this is probably my last chance. I also think it would be really good for me to step out of my introverted (chocolate-covered) shell; I used to be more outwardly goofy. So, as of right now, I’m working on a monologue. Results soon to come (and may vary).

I’m tired always. I miss the days when I didn’t care about school. Homework. THE BANALITY OF MY LIFE IS UNBEARABLE. Just kidding. That outburst was avoidable, but comical. At least in my head.

By the way: I’m desperately seeking identical twins for an envious friendship. Spread the word.

Off to bake banana bread.

i will never be an adult.

This is the kind of mood I am in, currently. I don't feel like thinking, unless it is about dancing panda bears. I go through phases where I believe I am supposed to be doing responsible things twenty fours hours per day. That is an unbelievable amount of time, in case you were wondering. During these phases (which usually last weeks), I feel like punching anyone who is having fun and/or not thinking about how to effectively dismantle patriarchy. [By the way: trying to be responsible twenty four hours a day ends up being counterproductive. I end up procrastinating, which puts me in a hole of shame.] At the end of these periods, I break down, and I need to watch panda bears. I also end up needing to hide my phone, bank account numbers, non-fiction books, and post-it notes. Taking a nap even sounds painful. It sounds like I may wake up in a panic.

I'm afraid to act my age. I'm young. I can't be on top of the world. I can try to, but, it isn't worth it. I can bake banana bread and draw cartoons about cannibalistic farm animals and still get a good grade in my colonial + postcolonial literature course.

Here's to not going crazy before I graduate.

kulutoyourlulu

Like I mentioned in the last post, no one will read this, except for my sister, Elizabeth Ashley. So, I think, for this one, I will be writing directly to you.

Hi Sister. It's been awhile since we've really talked, so I'll let you know what's going on. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing here; I don't have much time left in school, so it's fine, but it just so far from home. I don't even really have a home here. My roommates are obnoxious, and I feel like I can never be in the house. I can't wait to move into my cottage. A lot of days I wish I could get up and meet you in the middle of the Boulders' and look into Sylvia's mailbox to find out her last name. We both weren't really happy with our current situations at the time, but living near sister was probably the best time of my life. I hope we can live near each other again when we're old; we'll have barbecues and potluck dinners. But the potluck dinners will only be among ourselves.

I think that a lot of what I do is trying to be your sister. Or something like that. I don't have qualities from Mom and Dad, really. I think I got my characteristics, interests, and quirks from you. Either that, or I'm just the little sister who tried so hard to be like big sister. And now I just am like you. You minus two. Or three.

Anyway. Other than that, things are going well. New house soon, new classes I like. Making new friends. 21st birthday soon!!! Things are getting better! I'm glad things in your life are good too!

I hope you and Geraldine will be able to find time to come visit me at my new cottage. I will build you a fort to sleep in.

Ps. I just ate two donuts.

You ate a burger. Sisters.

love,
kulu

DOUBLE PS. Check yr mailbox soon.

nostalgia for the internets

"And whatever we had missed, we possessed together the precious, incommunicable past."
-Willa Cather, "My Antonia"

My sister will be happy when she notices a new blog post from me. I forgot that I like blogging (and turning nouns into verbs, obviously). I've been back at UD for a while, just as a quick update. Almost a year, in fact. I'm just as shocked as you are. Cabin fever strikes me after a few weeks with no sudden changes in my schedule. But, changing my major helps! I'm sticking with women & gender studies, with a side of psychology, though. I have a very concrete graduation plan, and I'd like to actually keep it.

The last post in here was very emo, I see. And I feel like everything since then has been a complete whirlwind of events. I don't stop anymore. I did a complete 180 of just vegging all the time to never being able to sit still and not taking care of myself, as a result. There's a balance out there somewhere, I know it! There has to be middle ground between severely depressed and radically happy, too.

I'm trying to do what I can. When I went home for Spring break, I visited with my friend Sarah in Amherst, and she's had a fairly similar college/turning into an adult experience as I have. I remember saying to her:
"Doesn't it seem like we missed something along the way? It looks like some of our friends are enjoying their time in college, right?"
And she responded: "You mean all of them? Yes."

My sister and I are going to mental institutions when we separate.

And Joseph and I charge directly at each other on sidewalks to release our ridiculous energy.

The UD population is crazy, though not with that good-crazy-connotation. It's the I-don't-like-it-crazy.

In other news, we're reading LOTR in my lit&environment class!
Also, I'm working on staff for a mental health festival--celebrating mental health through arts and music. I'm on the committee for bands and also for puppies.

That's it. Bye.