Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Stay With Me, Go Places.


These are my weekend plans:
Peanut Butter Cups

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

1 cup peanut butter (reduced fat and creamy)
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups of vegan chocolate chips
1/4 teaspoon salt
12 paper muffin cups


Cut the top half of the muffin cups to where they are about half the original height.

Microwave the chocolate chips for about 2 minutes at 50% power in a glass or microwaveable bowl. Stir until creamy, you might need to microwave them a little more. Make sure you do not overcook them.

Using a spoon or paint brush spread the chocolate evenly within the muffin cups making sure you fill the crevices on the sides. Place the coated muffin cups in the freezer so that the chocolate hardens.

In a separate bowl combine the peanut butter and salt and fold in the powdered vegan sugar.

When the chocolate cups have hardened put the peanut butter mixture into the microwave for 1 minute. Wait a minute for it to cool and then bring out the chocolate cups.

Spoon the peanut butter into the chocolate cups leaving a little room for the top layer of chocolate. You have the option of putting the top layer of chocolate on now or after the peanut butter has hardened in the freezer. Both ways work just as well in my opinion.

Place the cups in the freezer and wait an hour (or as long as you can!).
I'm so excited! It's like home! Peanut Butter! Nummies!

So, here's an update about what I've been thinking about/doing this week:

As I write this, one of my roommates is sewing up the final pieces to her Halloween costume. She's going to be an "Indian" as she describes. Basically, she's grouping every single Native American tribe into one costume and parading it around campus in a very slutty manner. Nice. I love racism. And Ohio. I kind of just thought girls liked to dress up like tramps for Halloween. I did not know that it also transcended into the world of racism here in the grand ol' Midwest. I'm really happy I have to work Saturday morning...I can't parade around with racist folk for fun on Friday night! (I'm just guessing there will be lots of other types of discrimination in the form of costumes, since there are already 3 costumes that I find disturbing being made in my own apartment. Sweet.) Also, earlier, one of my roommates was very verbal about being confused as to why I was making my tofu for dinner. Basically, tofu is this foreign material that us hippie folk eat to confuse the rest of the world. "But, wait, there's like, no meat in your stir fry?".... Yay.

Also, in reading a particular article on a feminist blog (, I've come to a realization about the past few men I've dated. Or probably all of the men I've dated. I really, really find very intelligent, dirty, indie hipster boys attractive. Guys who follow politics like no other (and talk about it constantly), read Salinger and Hemingway and such, have some sort of musical talent, probably smoke some kind of hipster cigs, spend lots of time in coffee shops writing poetry and such. And, for some reason, I never truly realized that these boys are disgustingly arrogant and really do not respect women. At all. Basically, the article I read on the blog was talking about an ad to advocate for Barack Obama's presidency. But, it's degrading for women, in that, it was a picture of a few hipster-esque, skinny girls sitting together with the tag line "Girls say Yes to boys who say Obama". So, you know, girls like Obama because their boyfriends do! Not because they're able to follow politics themselves and think he has good ideas and policies. And if their boyfriends vote for Obama, they will say "Yes". Awesome. Whenever I try to talk about politics or any other "male topic" with my ex and his friends...I'm usually pretty much ignored. I've dated the same type of person over and over again. Boys who like girls to be skinny and giggly and quiet. And use their mind to just paint pretty pictures. No wonder I'm so depressed!

BUT. ANYWAY. Happy thing! News flash! A big one! I got an apartment! It's in the Boulders' apartment complex in Amherst! Same complex as my sister! My sister is the best sister in the world! We're going to be neighbors! And I couldn't be happier. I'm very excited to finish off the semester in Dayton and to never go back...
My sister is coming to pick me up at the end of the semester. She's flying in, and we're going to pack up all of my ITEMS, and we're driving home! But we're stopping in Toronto first! It's just about half way between here and Massachusetts. So, we're staying over in a hostel overnight, and I'm so excited. There's like 4,000 vegetarian/vegan restaurants within walking distance of our hostel. And the drinking age is 19! Things! Sister! Fast car! So, despite this weird post, I actually am happy.
And I'm thinking of going to Smith...(NICOLE!) I've been looking at courses at Smith and Hampshire, and I'm just happy. I love learning! And I like going places! ("Come head on, full circle...stay with me, go places." Seriously, I'm obsessed with the New Pornographer's new album. Listen to it. Do it. Do it.)

Usually, I end off my post with song lyrics as my signature. But, today, I have a funny quote from my Physics professor.

Prof. Erdie: Well, kids, there's this thing. A favor. A favor that I'm going to do for all of you someday. A favor that old wrinkled scientists have been doing for young scientists for a long while. What am I going to do for you? (He calls on some random guy)
Some random guy: (nervous) Umm...well...I mean...
Prof Erdie: Just say it. SAY IT. SAY IT. COME ON. SAY IT.
Some random guy: You're going to die?
Prof Erdie: That's exactly right!

Hehehehe. Goof face.

(happier) Kulu!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I always smell like coffee.

And I will never be organized. Originally, I thought that this trait, grossly labeled "disorganized" (I hate that. I'm not disorganized.), would fade away as soon as I moved away from all of my problems. I had this very warped image of my 'new' existence in a new state. I had a warped image of my problems.

I was at the Miamisburg Target today with my friend Jessica, and we split up for a bit to get different things. I wasn't really looking for too much...maybe some refried beans and a new belt. But, leaving Jessica alone in Target is like leaving a small child alone in Santa's Village. So, needless to say, I was wandering around for quite a bit. And, the following is what I noticed. Well, for starters, I tend to dabble around with the idea that UD girls are easily spotted, no matter the situation or location. So, I spotted a few, and I started doing what I do best: people watch. And, you know, not only do these girls have more money than god (to use the phrase), but they're so completely put together. These are well-kept girls. And I envy them. This particular emotion isn't hate, as I would usually assume. I envy them more than I ever thought imaginable.

They've lived very stable lives, I assume. With parents who would give them the world--and I'm not just talking about material possessions. The way these girls are put together connotes to me a confidence that could only evolve through semi-traditional childhoods.

Now, I certainly realize that at my age, it's hard to place all of the blame for my personal issues onto my parents. I have responsibilities now, I know. But, the fact of the matter is, I really have no backbone in my life. Being so far away has made me realize, even more so, that I have nothing to fall back on. My mother, as kind-hearted as she can be, is a complete nut job. I have a hard time forgiving her for the shit she put me through. Honestly, what do I say to a woman, who is supposed to be my mother, my guidance, who has thrown random objects (sometimes chairs) at my sister and me when she was too frustrated to speak, dragged us into serious guilt trips about her insecurities and her own wretched childhood, who is constantly looking for reassurance from outside sources, who has placed an intense fear of metaphorically crossing the street on our shoulders. Etc. "Oh shit. My life. " That's all I can say.
And my father gives me about as much emotional support as the coffee stain on my Buckies apron. Usually, a typical phone conversation with my father consists of a brief discussion about my future (i.e., "you must make money, you must make money!"), a pause for an update on my kitten at home, and then recent developments in his extensive floor mat collection.

Using that as a general background, let's now note that I'm afraid of my life. I've been taught to avoid my life at all costs. To avoid my thoughts. To, basically, be lazy in my existence and not really care about anything. (I can barely gather up enough drive and courage to do my laundry.) So, in general, I have a hard time believing that I'm real. Believing that other people can see me. Literally. I always kind of think it's ridiculous when some boy takes interest in me, and I usually drive him away in some unique form or another each time (I have no idea how to be a good girlfriend). And it's mostly because I'm in disbelief that I'm real. That I'm actually able to amount to something.

I suppose what all of this amounts to is that I feel like I'm behind in my life. I feel like I want to be able to pick myself up and put the pieces together. In a way that makes sense to me. In a manner that makes me happy and giggly and smiley. I used to be smiley. So, what now?

Lately, I've been dabbling with photography and kind of rough sketches of my surroundings in nature (I love flowers so much). But, for example, at work, when one of my partners, David, asked me what my interests are, I mean, I don't have real ones. I like reading, words, flowers, kittens. I'm a semi-environmentalist, i.e., I'm not as informed as I'd like to be, but I hate people who don't recycle and don't care about the earth. Like I said, I love flowers (I think that came from listening to Radiohead for hours and hours on end). Anyway, I ended up telling him I'm hoping to minor in photography.
"Oh, really? What do you take pictures of? Car wrecks?" He asked. I thought he was joking.
So, I responded:
"Actually, I take pictures of dead people." He laughed and went into a detailed description of his side job: taking pictures of car wrecks for insurance companies. Life is funny.

Anyway, I told him I take pictures of clouds, trees, flowers, and kittens. "Girly things" in his opinion. I don't know. I don't even have a camera anymore. Ugh. I miss my home. I want to turn my tables around and finish things I start. And be someone and believe it. If that makes sense. It doesn't really to me, but it kind of does. Like I said, which is completely supported by this mess of a post, I'll never be organized. Even with the lengthy distance between me and my "problems". Anyway. This post is forever long. So. I bid thee farewell.

"I'll love you and leave you, drive from this town
if i give you a ring there's one thing you should know
You have seven seconds before it's too late to go
So, don't walk away then turn and say I love you anyway
I never ever wanna see you until our wedding day"
(or just Kulu)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Procrastinaton! Depression! Fast car!

Hello folks.
I should be studying for my Physics exam, but instead, I'm listening to the New Pornographer's new album and writing this post. And carrying an overwhelming Ohio-related depression over my shoulders 24/7. (It's true. I never want to get out of bed. And when I do, all I want to do is call Liz and listen to "Fast Car") I want to become a better vegetarian...I need to buy more groceries. I also want to paint more . I painted last night (!!), and it was wonderful. I painted my kitten and chaos in the background of his existence. I think it was really me. Ugh. Everything is stupid.

I'm copying this post from Liz's blog...because she thought this was hilarious, too. But, this is the conversation I had with my mother on the phone yesterday. Basically, the background of this conversation is that I was telling Mom I hate Ohio...which, in her mind makes me 'alternative' or a 'rebel'. Hilarity ensues...

Mom: You know, your mother is sort of rebel too.
Kelly: What? What are you talking about? You follow every word of the Bible.
M: No, not that. In other things. I'm a rebel.
K: Well, how? What are some examples?
3 minute pause.
M: Well, you know when they opened that Roche Brothers, I wouldn't shop there because all of the snooty beautiful mothers shop there and I don't want to be one of them.
K: Oh, um...
M: Actually, I was at Roche Brothers the other day and there's a Starbucks in there, you know. And all these middle school girls were waiting in line talking like valley girls. They were just trying to be cool. Oh and I was waiting in line too. And so I heard one of the girls ask the counter person what her favorite drink was, and she said "Carmel Macciato" so that's what the girl ordered. She was just trying so hard to be cool.
K: Well...I work at Starbucks and we have to be able to answer that question. Middle aged people come in all the time wanting to know what kind of drink to get. And we have to be able to suggest them something by asking them a few questions. The girl probably didn't know what she wanted.
M: Oh yeah, now that I think about it, they were kind of awkward and geeky.
K: Like your daughters?
M: No? You're not awkward.
K: Me and Liz are really awkward.
M: Yeah, but it's good to be different.

Mmm...our mother is completely out of her mind.

Leaving you with my new favorite lyrics (courtesy of the new pornographers) as my own personal signature (hehehe!)

"Come head on, full circle
Our arms fill with miracles
Play hearts, kid, they work well
Like classics play aces
Stay with me, go places
Once more for the ages

Yes a heart should always go one step too far
Come the morning and the day winding like dreams
Come the morning every blue shade of green
Come with me, go places"

xoxo Iwantatickettoanywhere xoxo

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Chai Latte! <-- GO HERE! Family!

That was my favorite today. Soooo, today was my first true day at Starbucks (BUCKIES!) because the other 3 times I've been in, I've never actually served the public! I made so many drinks today! And they let me try all of the ones I've never tried before (which was basically all of them). And at the beginning of the day, my shift supervisor was like "You can try everything, but try to keep count of how many espresso shots you've had...or else you'll go a bit wacky." I forgot to count my espresso shots. DO THE MATH! It was a fun day hehehehe. Everyone's really nice, too. And this one guy that works with me...he's a grad student at UD, and I told him my life I transferred from UMass, and his eyes got so wide and bright. He wants to teach there and live in Northampton. He loves it there. Then he asked me, "why did you transfer from UMass?" And I thought I had a normal answer...but all I said was, "Sometimes I ask myself that same question." He knows what he's doing. He's lucky. Anyhoo. My roommates came to visit me, and I made them drinks! It made me so happy when they came in! They love me! I'm glad I work there! And I hope I can transfer it to Northampton so Liz and Nicole can sit and watch me during my entire shift every day. Because, I've thought about this so much, and I have good days in Ohio (kind of), but I hate wasting every day away from people and things that make me happy and comfy and fuzzy. So, it's stupid being 13 hours away. Stupy!
In related news, Olivia and I were on the phone last night for ALMOST 2 hours. She counted. It was cute. And I was hopped up on tequila for a bit!
I just spilled soooo much Green Mountain nummies salsa on Doug. Doug's my computer. He's funnie guy. (Did you get my pun there?)
I just got back from Kroger like an hour ago, and I got sooo many veggies and tofus and hummus and soy nuggets (BBQ SAUCE). Lulu made me a recipe list that is 11 pages long of vegetarian nom noms. Tomorrow I'm going to have granola and fruit and yogurt for BFAST before BUCKIES, and I'll get home at 5, and this is my din-din plan:

Mexican Tortilla Pizzas!
2 (6-inch) fajita-size flour tortillas
1 can (16 oz. each) refried beans
1 cup taco sauce - medium
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 green onions, sliced
Some cheese
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper (optional)

Preheat oven to 400 Fahrenheit. Place tortillas on baking sheet(s).

Bake for 3 to 4 minutes or until crisp.
Spread beans evenly over tortillas. Spread taco sauce evenly over beans. Top with bell peppers, green onions and crushed red pepper. Add cheese.

Bake for 7 to 8 minutes. Top with additional toppings (salsa, guac, sour cream..) Cut into wedges.

(Courtesy of Lulu. She makes her recipes funny!)
I'm excited! Not nervy at all! My roommates want me to cook for them! I'm spreading vegetarianism in Ohio! Kind of!

It's Sunday now. Annndddd last night, I had a dream that Nicole was famous, and I learned things about her in my Sociology class. Obvz. Why wouldn't Nicole be famous?! Hehehehe. My dream wasn't too clear as to what Nicole was famous for, give me ideas! I'll make a story!


Thursday, October 16, 2008

You Can Have Whatever You Like...

(The title isn't relevant to the entry. I was just listening to the song.)
Second post! My BIG SISTERS, Liz and Nicole, are like two enormous 4 year olds and kept telling me to write a new post! Hehehe just kidding. <3zzzz. I'm being an emoface today because this particular day has some meaning to least for me. So, this may be an emo entry.

My life is so incredibly strange. And since my brain only functions when thinking about literary devices and quotes from other sources, the only things circulating in my brain is one line from Juno and a few lines from a Kings of Convenience song. They are both about home. And not really understanding the concept of home. Friendship is a weird concept to me, too. I had never really thought about it before. I've had amazingly absurd experiences within friendship and relationships even just within the past year (not including my peculiar childhood), and I'm justifiably confused. I'm in Ohio for pete's sake. That's confusing enough as it is. Everyone's oddly nice here, and on an academic note, I have relatively small classes, so it's been easier for me, and this is why it's so confusing that I feel the need to go home. The line from Juno that is circling my brain is: "It always feel so good to go home when you've been somewhere so different." It's such a cute scene, too. She's standing in her front yard, picking up flowers and smelling them. And "Homesick" is the title of the KOC song...which is my life right now. I probably didn't move here for the right reasons. But, I guess I'm glad I did because there would always be a trailing thought in my mind. Always kind of wondering if I just chose to settle into a comfortable routine and never try new things. Being here, I've had to try EVERYTHING new, and it's scaring the shit out of me every single day. And, in a way, I'm happy about that. I was also happy to go home and see all kinds of weird hipsters again. I love hipsters. I don't know what my plan will look like, but everything will take shape eventually.
And, I'm upset about something in particular today, and there are lots of memories flashing around my head like really dull fireworks constantly. Everything we've ever said to each other. And when the moon was so bright. When I felt like that was the one place I felt so comfortable; like nothing else really mattered (with my feet on the dash, ben gibbard). It's something I can't dwell on forever, but I can be happy that I felt that way. And I can go home, and I can feel like it's the ending in a really good way.

On a slightly less emo note, I became a vegetarian! Yay! I love eating plants! But, I'm also very stressed right now because I have soooo many papers to write! And people around me are annoying me with their ignorance! Yay! I love when people don't want to think about anything but their upcoming trips to Europe and how they need to get more sparkly shoes and if the presidential candidates are wearing makeup...when we could be going into an economic depression! Weee!

I want to be Tina Fey. I also want to play music. I want to be someone cool. This post is so random!

Leaving you with my favorite song lyrics!

"What gives this mess some grace unless it's fictions
Unless it's licks, man
Unless it's lies or it's love?
What breaks this heart the most is the ghost of some rock and roll fan
Exploding up from the stands
With her heart opened up
And I want to tell her, "your love isn't lost"
Say, "my heart is still crossed"
Scream, "you're so wonderful"
What a dream in the dark
About working so hard
About glowing so stoned
Trying not to turn off
Trying not to believe in that lie all on your own
La la la la..."

-Kulu to your LULU-

Friday, October 10, 2008

First Post!


Today I'm at Hampshire with Lou Lou. I'm visiting from Ohio (yucky), and I don't want to go back. Fun things are here. Liz bought me a Hampshire T-shirt today, and it's so prettys. Just like this blog! I went to visit Liv and a few other UMass friends yesterday afternoon! It was fun! I missed the campus and the foliage! Liv and I went for an adventure (yay!)...i.e., we drove around aimlessly and ended up about 15 minutes away from Vermont (Montague?). We saw Stoney Pony Farm, and it made Liv really smiley! My favorite! Mmm...also Liz and I picked up Nicole last night at SMITH!, and we all ate vegan foods. Om nom nom. I don't really know what to write for my first blog.
But soon I'll replace my thoughts from polka dot notebook (that I usually organize at Boston Stoker Cafe in Dayton!) into the internetz! (world wide webz...I hate AP style!)

Now it's snack time! And salvation army time! Bye bye! I love you!