Are You Thinking About the Llamas?

Yes, Liz. Of course I'm thinking about the llamas. What else could I possibly think of while staring down an overpriced package of gummy worms?

I'm a vegetarian. So, that's the end of that.

Anyway.

I haven't written on here for a while for three reasons. Number one: the only people who read this are Liz and Nicole, and I see them basically every day. Second: my life is very weird and hard to describe. (The snipit above is an excellent example of the oddities that continually make up my life.) So, sometimes I start a post and never finish it. And lastly, I haven't written for a while because Twilight has been taking up a lot of my time.

Speaking of which, Twilight has given me extremely unrealistic expectations in men. So much so that I decided to give it a go with a very pretentious boy from my more recent past, and it completely exploded in my face, leaving me slightly dumbfounded. Stephanie Meyer, I hope you're happy.

Other than that, to catch you up, just in case you're not Liz or Nicole, since I've moved to Amherst, my life has been made up of listening to "Bossy Blondie" religiously in order to boost my inner bossy, overdosing on double caramel lattes, running up and down the halls of my old UMass dorm with Liv, pretending to be in the desert, vegan cookies, getting extra holes stabbed into my nose, Packard's trivia night with a side of large spicy fries, making audition tapes for The Real World and friendship bracelets, legs falling out of sockets after 30 minute hikes, Miranda teaching us how to fix legs popped out of sockets, running into Newbury Comics at the sight of new Edward Cullen t-shirts, fangirling, taking my pants off at bowling alleys, and constantly pulling Liz away from moving traffic.

Needless to say, I suppose I've been busy doing a whole lot of nothing. Which is my favorite thing in the world. Nothing. Honestly, I used to think that since I loved doing nothing so much, it meant that I'm considerably emo. But, oh, no, my friend. I am not. I have my emo moments--as do many of us--however, my number one hobby of absolutely nothing does not count toward my emo status. Perhaps rolling around on the floor with my very expensive camera, taking pictures of myself and my hipster friends posed with vegan cookies--maybe that's emo.
But, sitting by myself in my room on a perfectly sunny, warm afternoon, drawing pictures for my friends, simultaneously listening to Bright Eyes and watching Planet Earth--a whole lot of nothing--not emo, my friends. Nope.

I'm not sure how this entry turned into my definition of emo. I'm also not sure if I'm trying to convince myself more than you guys. Probably. And I suppose I'm thinking about an article Liz showed me last night from PopMatters, called "Manufacturing Loneliness"--it was kind of about how the immediacy of technology can, in turn, make you feel more lonely since you have the means to contact all of your friends at all times. It was interesting.

I hate contacting my friends at all times. It makes me feel needy.

I'm a boss, guys.

Anyway.
I'm really enjoying the organization and train of thought involved in this post.

So, it's 1 PM, I'm up early, and I'm off to start a new day. I have an essay to finish. Starbucks, watch out, here I come!

I Wish You Couldn't Figure Me Out

"All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something."



So, the other day, I had a marvelous dream, and I must share it:
(fuzzy flashback effects)
I was in a room with my friend Peter, just chatting about nonsensical items. When, his ex-girlfriend, who I had never met before, literally crawls into the room, and begins to speak to me. Just me. ( Now, just for the record, in actuality, Peter is gay, so literally everything about this dream is quite silly.) Peter's facial expressions turn to sadness, silently insinuating what would come of this. What was she trying to do?! Finally, Peter's ex girlfriend cuts to the chase, as blunt as can be, and asks me out. She wanted me to be her girlfriend! And, now, here's the catch: Peter's ex-girlfriend is a guinea pig. "Oh? Wow. I don't know. I've never dated a girl before...". Needless to say, I was a little unsure and shy to the idea of dating a woman...guinea pig. At which point, the nameless rodent pulls out a giant flow chart from SOMEWHERE (I have no idea where it came from), a chart bigger than she is, and begins to show and explain to me why I should date her and/or become bisexual. I think I gave in. A guinea pig was my first girlfriend.

Then I woke up. Thoughts? I think it means I should get a new pet for my room. FISHES. HAMSTER. Maybe even a guinea pig?! Squeak!

Anyway. That's about it. I've been reading more of "To Be Real"...learning about feminism and such! I'm going to buy more books on the topic written by the same and similar women; I think it's better for my brain than the pompous jerks I usually read and obsess over.

I went for a hike at Mt. Holyoke today with my sister. I need to purchase boots before I ever go hiking again. Not a good idea to climb a mountain in the snow in sneakers. My leg felt like it came out of the socket. Probably because I was dressed like I was in the hipster Olympics... Who knew. But, you know, I enjoyed nature, as I always do.





On a similar and equally exciting note, I found the Smith waterfall without trying. I am proud. The entire time that I was staring at it, I was wishing I had as much freedom as my bud Augusten Burroughs--enough freedom to jump into it. Does want.





Tomorrow I have many job apps to hand in and fill out. Amherst Books basically said I have a job with them for two weeks as a cashier for when all of the kiddies return back for school! Just need to hand in a resume. I wish I could work there permanently. Books always. Wah. Anyway. It's about 1:00am, which means it's time for me to watch instant netflix in my bed, by myself until I fall alseep. Yay.

I Can't Stop Listening to "Hot N Cold" (To Save My Life)

Simple, yet perfect example:
In the car with my sister, Elizabeth Ashley, and I was driving us to Northampton, probably going to Faces to purchase items. She mentions something that made us both kind of sad, so I grab my ipod, and explain that I have the perfect song for this moment.
(cue the words: "You change your mind...like a girl changes clothes..."--by the way, did you know that only girls change their clothes a lot?)

And Liz says, "So, really, you just never want to stop listening to this song. It's perfect for every occasion?"
(pause)
"Why, yes, you are correct."

I think this conversation took place directly after my freak out concerning my missing (STOLEN) man-eating-flowers pastel drawing. I'll post a picture in this blog in remembrance. Anyway, Liz and I were cleaning snow and ice off my car, and I had the ice scraper in my hand, and I started freaking out thinking about my missing drawing (which, in a rational thought process, I think was lost somewhere in the process of the move), and I said, "All I keep thinking about...is how happy I am that I took a picture of my man-eating-flowers...before it was STOLEN", at which point, I began to viciously scrape ice off my car...ice was flying all over the place. I am a large freak.



Everyone should expect mutiny if my drawing isn't returned promptly. I originally thought 3 PB cups would suffice for a reward, if anyone should decide to return him to me. However, I'm willing to give out up to 10 PB cups if someone does decide to come clean within the next week or so. Think about it.

Anyway. I'm all moved into my apartment. It's really pretty; my roommate has a lot of fancy furniture and decorations. It's been really nice being in Amherst again, and Liz has been teaching me how to cook a bit. But I mean, I have to start my life over; I have no friends in Amherst besides UMass friends...Bleh. I've been hanging out with Liz and Nicole a little bit (I ALMOST DIED). Smith is so beautiful! Also, applying for lots of jobs. I want to work at Herrel's. ICE CREAM ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. I hope Nicole teaches me how to knit! I want to make scarves and socks for myself and others. Maybe for my kitten!

I didn't get very far with my Edie Kerouac book. (I should sell it to wannabe hipsters...tehehe.) She's a terrible writer; I really only liked the parts where she spoke of her childhood because she grew up in the 20s. Which, by the way, I just realized the other day, we get to live in. We'll be entering the 20s again SO SOON. Freaky. I hope it's good. Anyway, I thought I wanted to read about the Beat Generation and Allen Ginsberg and all of their pretentious friends and things...but, they're a bunch of jerks. I hate that I love jerks. So, yeah, I stopped reading the book last night. At which point, I decided to watch National Geographic because they were having a marathon of "In the Womb", and I learned about the gestation periods of kitties and puppies!

Going to a Movie Fort party tonight. We will enjoy lots of wholesome snacks. I will say "nom nom nom" for 4,000 minutes. Yes. This is a bad post. My brain feels all weird and sickies. Anyway.

I guess that's it. I will eat some pasta now and ponder hipsters and friendship some more. It will never get old.

A Very Gigabyte (Family) Christmas

So, I'm home now. It's snowing outside my window, and there's only an 8% chance of snow in Dayton. So, it's not snowing outside their windows. I had the longest trip back from Ohio imaginable. Ever. My sister flew out to Ohio to drive back with me, and we became lizards (tough skin). The weather was terribly cold, windy, snowy, icy, and we were constantly hungry, smelly, cranky, and out of gas for Emily for three days. At one point, we stayed over in a Ramada [with very fancy elevators and apples] in Batavia, NY because we couldn't drive in 0 visibility anymore. And in the morning, a Jesus incarnate pushed our car out of a very snowed in parking lot because our pants would no longer defrost. He is forever our family. "Don't stop driving! Keep going! We'll talk when you're done!" But, you know, we went to Canada. Toronto was beautiful in the snow. Church bells rang as we tried to break in. All convenience stores were closed. Tim Horton's followed us. Produce markets looked like bars. Old men made fun of Liz's lip ring. I drank margaritas at fancy bars, at which point, I decided I want to dedicate my life to being fancy, the act of fancies, what have you.

My fancy lifestyle will continue when I attend Harvard Grad School in a few years. Yes. I decided this the other day when my sister, Caitlin, and I ventured to Cambridge and frolicked around the Harvard campus, after crying for 2 hours in Urban Outfitters because even just a pair of leggings is $58. [I want a neon yellow cardigan.]

In related news, we had a very gigabyte [I've been spelling gigabyte wrong for a while; blogger just informed me it's not "gigabite", as in nomnom] Christmas. I received a Nikon D40 (omg yay), a flash drive for my computer, and a memory stick for my camera. Liz received an external hard drive, also a flash drive for her computer, and a Lenovo! So many gigabytes this year. I'm going to post some beautiful pictures from my new camera soon.

I've been reading two books since I've been home. One is called: "To be real", and the second one is "You'll be Okay". Liz gave me "To be real" for Christmas--it's a book of essays about feminism by a lot of famous activists! Their experiences and things! It's really captivating. I can't read it before I go to sleep. It doesn't make me sleepy. Yay! I wanted to learn more about feminism, and when I opened the gift on Christmas morning, and I quickly read the title "to be real", I said out loud, "All I want is to be real!", which is true. Anyway. The other book is written by Edie Parker-Kerouac. It's a memoir, basically, about her love for Jack, during their very short-lived marriage. I was in the Kerouac section at Borders, looking for books I wanted to soon check out at the library, and I saw this one, and I had to buy it. Edie is so completely adorable. And, the entire book is about the beginnings of the Beat Generation, meeting Allen Ginsberg, and everything before Kerouac's downward spiral of alcoholism and things. How he only loved once and kept in touch with Edie, even throughout his second and third marriages. It's really interesting. And I mean, I'm completely aware that Edie was only devoted to Jack's writing, and she put her own talents aside and didn't care much about her life (though, that's basically why she left him), but, it's interesting to read about these people who created the Beat Generation. It'll be interesting when I'm finished with both books--a book about feminism and a book set in a time of so much sexism. What will I conclude?

Also. I purchased plaid flannel sheets for my new bed in my new apartment. Only a few more days! Adult! (Pashmina!) Netflix (best sister ever)! Wonderfalls!

Anyway. Dad just inflated an air mattress for Liz, so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor anymore. He is very excited. And also, tonight is New Year's Eve. I have a blue cocktail dress, black leggings, and incredibly soft black moccasins to wear to a fancy cocktail party at my friend Anya's house. I hope there are martinis. I will be turning off my phone if I consume too many beverages. As per my sister's advice (and Dove chocolates), I will now consistently "keep the promises that I make for myself". For good this time. Unless I want to call Lulu. She's in Long Island. I miss her.

So. That is all, I guess. As previously mentioned, it's snowing, and Dad says it's a good day for laundry. So, that is where I will be all day. Laundry room. Yay!

Xoxo! Kulu!

PS. I Know What You Did Last Summer is an excellent movie for drinking (water) games. Serial killer fishermen planning murders on facebook for a year. Lolz.

Espresso Drinks For Thought :)

Okay, so, this silly analogy came to me while driving around Dayton late at night...life, being alive, experiencing items, is a process. Kind of like a Caramel Macchiato. I kind of think it's stupid when customers take a caramel macchiato that I made for them and immediately stir it up without tasting it first. It's a layered drink. You're supposed to drink it in layers, and it gets sweeter the closer you get to finishing. It just does. It takes a longer time to make, and if I knew you just wanted something similar to caramel latte, then I would've just made that for you. It takes much less time and effort.

I saw someone I hadn't seen in a very long time last night, he's been going through a lot since I've seen him, and it made me think of things like this. And thinking of all the shit I've been through recently. I constantly try to stir up my life, and make things seem better more quickly, but I never know what I'm getting myself into... kind of like I ordered the wrong drink. And somehow, I always leave. I always leave right before I start getting a taste for what life is like, before it develops, just as I've been taught.

In life, we make caramel macchiatos. And then we drink it up!

We all order the wrong drinks. But, I shall tell you my dear, it will get sweeter.

On a side note: I'm eating a bowl of plant life. Om nom nom.

10 more days. :)

Attention: Your Gate Has Been Changed. (Your Life is Now Weird).

I've probably looked at the U.S. Airways Departures board every two minutes for the past hour and a half. I want there to be more than just one flight to Dayton today! But, of course, the only flight out to the charming Dayton, OH departs at approximately 1:29pm. I will arrive in Dayton, hopefully, by 3:30, where I will proceed to run like a freak (with my arms flailing, of course) to my car and speed all the way home (assuming that my car is still in the parking lot...I don't remember if I locked up Emily before I left or not...ehhh) so that I can get to Starbucks on time...to wait on the delectable characters of Brown street who are dotingly taking part in the Starbucks (RED) cause for the day...until close. Or midnight. Whichever comes...more naturally. And I was supposed to be home yesterday...yay for flight cancellations (and never-ending traffic!) !

Annnnd...Yay for a very, very short Thanksgiving break. Which, by the way, was short...did I mention that my vacation away from Hell (the Hell with... creepily nice folk) was too short? Well. In case I didn't, now you know. Though, my break did have its up sides. It was my first vegetarian Thanksgiving! Yay! My sister made such delicious nom noms, like lentil loaf, for supper. [Her recipes are on her blog! Check them out! http://lizshmackenzie.blogspot.com/ Yay!] Another up side: I saw all of my friends, plus more. And, I learned that I'm desirable for marriage. Sweet. Who knew?

On my first flight this morning, from Boston to New York, and in and out of REM cycles (I slept MAYBE from 2am to 5:22am this morning...my dad woke me up at exactly 5:22 of course), I was thinking...my life would make such a funny movie. Seriously, everything that happens to me is hilarious...in kind of a sad way. But, it's only sad because it's happening to me. It'd be a funny movie. I should take Film Studies or something...learn how to write screen plays. Everyone's a narcissist, right? It would be so easy to just write about myself, and perhaps I could make millions on the hilarity that ensues in my life, and I could just do what I want with my life for forever. Like, I mean, if I had millions, just think about what I could do with my time...Weird example: This morning, when my dad was driving around the Logan Airport parking lot, there was a rope blocking off a section of the garage, and all I kept thinking was, "I wish my life had no schedule so that I could just ram my car through the rope and drive up there". I have no idea why that would be so fun...but it would.

Anyway. That's enough of my thoughts. I'm sleepy, and I'm going to my gate now. Everyone should find and watch the canceled show "Wonderfalls". Funniest show I've ever seen. See you laterz!!

<3 [The freckles in our eyes are mirror images.] <3

I wish I was Pam.

Mmmmmm, I haven't written on here in a long time! Let me tell you about things!
Yesterday. I went to the library to do some homework at like 9:30 in the evening time hours. Annnnnddd, I spent all of my time on the 5th floor--contemporary art and literature!--sitting by the window with an Oreo Mint Blast, taking career placement tests online. The results--nothing. It told me I like being ridiculous and have no sense of responsibility and I love flowers and colors and pretty words. Really? Okay. Thanks. So, then I decided to watch The Office on my compy. It was the episode where Pam screams out, "That's what she said! That's what she said!" to Jim on bluetooth while she's in New York. Such hilarity. I wish I was Pam. Anyway, about half-way through the episode, my phone vibrated in my purse! A text message! I leaped! It was from Marie-butt (one of my suitemates, for those of you who don't follow every aspect of my life). She said: "I'm eating human collagen. Am nam nam." She's probably my favorite cannibal ever.

We have this on-going joke about pudding. How it turns humans into human-eaters. This is how it goes. Gelatin is made up of collagen. Humans have collagen--what if, for some odd reason, there's an animal collagen shortage at some point in the future? This, of course, only means that there is a pudding shortage. And, me, being the cynic that I am, thought of this brilliant plot. Our government. As splendid and proper as it may be...is someday going to muster up this plan. Upon the shortage of pudding, the government is going to send the military into homes of innocent families, looking for human "sacrifices". WE MUST HAVE OUR SNACK PACKS. I'm so deranged. Anyway, I took out some books! I got "Orlando" by Virginia Woolf, and a few books about surrealism. Yayayayay. And I saw my old coworker from Starbucks (he quit)...he checked out my books for me. SILLY LIBRARIANS. It was awkward, for some reason. Probably because I'm not used to much human contact.

I started out today reading Plato and answered lame questions, when I realized that I hate EVERYTHING. I'm sick of school, and I, frankly, don't give a shit anymore. OK--I don't hate everything. I just want time to be ridiculous. I wanna roll around on the floor in Marie's room and interpret art with her. OKAY, the other day, Marie interpreted art from my Ecstasy book, and it was soooo funny. She thinks very logically, and so, hilarity ensued. There was a picture of a model in the rain forest, holding hands with a robot, and they were sitting next to a body of water and some sort of floor lamp. And she was like, " How can the lamp work in the rain forest? I think this one means our houses shouldn't have roofs." She told me she wants me to continue to get "fun art books" from the library so that she can interpret it for me. She's so cute. And I heart her.

The rest of today was fine, though. It snowed lots and lots! I went with Lindsey to the doctor because she's having back problems, which, in turn, make her heart condition worse! Agh! We had a fun time together, though! And the doctor fixed her right up! We went to Starbucks after we drove around for like 3 hours and talked about how jaded and bitchy we are (i.e., we're jaded bitches). Annnnd, obviously, the most awkward person alive was working. One of my coworkers told my other coworkers that he wanted to sleep with me! Is that REALLY something you wanna be spreading around? I didn't think so. Before we went in, Lindsey said to me, "Do you want me to just go up to him and be like, 'I just really want to have sex with you' " And I said, "Yes. Please." But, obviously, she didn't. He was uber awkward to me, too. Ugh. Things. Why am I such a freak?

I want to learn how to paint. I draw things always. And colors make me happy. I also want to crochet my sister a hat. Or a sweater. Or a sweater with a matching hat. All I really know is...I do not want to go to my classes tomorrow. I want to watch national geographic in my jammies and draw you a picture of a sunset and chickens. KTHANX.

I leave you with Paul Eluard:

"I have not always had this certainty, this pessimism which reassures the best among us. There was a time when my friends laughed at me. I was not the master of my words. A certain indifference, I have not always known well what I wanted to say, but most often it was because I had nothing to say. The necessity of speaking and the desire not to be heard. My life hanging only by a thread.

There was a time when I seemed to understand nothing. My chains floated on the water.

All my desires are born of my dreams. And I have proven my love with words. To what fantastic creatures have I entrusted myself, in what dolorous and ravishing world has my imagination enclosed me? I am sure of having been loved in the most mysterious of domains, my own. The language of my love does not belong to human language, my human body does not touch the flesh of my love. My amorous imagination has always been constant and high enough so that nothing could attempt to convince me of error."

Stay tuned: Next posting will ACTUALLY be about mangoes. Colors, shapes, tastes, origins, all varieties of mangoes.